Her life!

"Her Story" I married the first man that I fell in love with. He treated me like a queen. He treated my family like they were his own. He promised that he would take care of me and never break my heart. We were a couple for 11 years – married for 8. On the 5th year of marriage he changed. He no longer cared what I did, how I looked, what I said, etc. I tried everything – counseling (he said no), change my look (he didn’t notice), gave him his space (he wanted more). I finally gave up during the 8th year of our marriage and filed for divorce hoping that I can have another chance at a fairytale. A year later I met someone. We lasted for several years. In our 4th year, I found out he had herpes and passed it to me. He’s had it for years and wasn’t honest. He thought he would lose me, took a chance and tried to be careful…it didn’t work. I stayed because I loved him. Also because we went to his doctor together – she confirmed his story, educated me on this disease and assured me it wasn’t a death sentence. We were planning our wedding. Our lives together. He broke up with me a year after that. I picked up the pieces (barely) and did just that. Never looked back – but worked on myself and thought about the many bad choices I made. I thought about how the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Yes, I left a loveless marriage but my next relationship was even more destructive. How I made a bad choice, trusting a man to tell me the truth, when I should have controlled my actions, my life and made us take a blood test together. I didn’t want to tell my story to be judged harshly because I’m already paying the ultimate price – but just as a warning for those of you who treat sex like it’s a handshake. I have to live with this for the rest of my life. Have fear in meeting someone, caring about them and down the line telling them this “flaw” and risk feeling rejection….and starting the process all over again. Be safe. Get tested. Try abstinence. Don’t be quick to leave a situation because the next one might be worse.

Love the skin you're in!

Love the skin you're in regardless of what color you are, shape, size, height, etc. Embrace what God has brought you out of. Love those that are for and against you. Acknowledge those before and after you. Be the best you can be to all those that are in your life and that will enter your life. JUST BE YOU, there's only one of you so LOVE YOU!

Eye opener!

Dating comes easy but making a commitment is harder. Many of us (me included) overlook the one's that are for us, they are right in our faces. The reason why we overlook, is because we are looking for something that's not real. Open up your eyes and your heart so you can receive what's for you. Make a commitment to yourself first before you make a commitment to someone else. Make sure it's a commitment that's not wasting your time or theirs.

13 things men look for in a woman....

1.) Is Intelligent – Someone who brings some intellectual substance to the table. Sure we can have some mindless conversation for fun, but finding a woman that can stimulate his mind is a must. No one wants eye candy that has the intelligence of a rock. 2.) Can Add value – A man needs to feel that you are adding value to his life. He doesn’t want to feel as though he’s not getting returned value in exchange for what he is giving. He wants to be able to learn from you. Women balance this universe; without women, men would be completely and utterly lost. 3.) Engages in Stimulating Conversation – Someone who does not have redundant and boring conversation is essential. Be a conversationalist, you don’t have to know everything, but when a conversation ends, he looks forward to the next time he will talk to you. 4.) Knows how “To Be” – Most people simply don’t get this concept. Ferris Bueller said it best, “Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Everything doesn’t have to be the end of the world. It doesn’t have to be emotional and dramatic. Sometimes you just have to learn to simply “Just Be.” 5.) Will Accept and Embrace who he is – Do you really want to date yourself? You are not always going to agree and/or like how your man chooses to operate because he is who he is. The goal is not to change him, for that’s a futile attempt. Accepting and embracing who he is and understanding why he is the way he is will go a long way; and if your patient you just may be surprised; it just may strengthen your relationship. 6.) Take Pride in her Appearance – A woman who takes pride in her image and makes her health a priority is a complete turn and a must. Everyone needs self-care; a man will take notice of a woman who is keeping it together no matter how old she is. 7.) Respects herself – A man will sleep with a promiscuous woman, but he won’t introduce her to his family and friends, let alone marry her. 8.) Understands how to be submissive– Many women get this term confused. Submissive is not synonymous with slavery or servant. It means that you respect the fact that your man is a man. And you -need to allow him to be that. Many women are raised to be independent and so strong willed; that many times they don’t allow a man to take the reign’s and treat you like the queen that you are. Men have fragile egos, they are simply built that way; genuinely allowing a man to lead while you two lead together is critical. 9.) Has a Calm Spirit – Some women think that holding a man accountable and not taking any mess is synonymous with being a strong woman. Stop it! It’s not! No man wants a woman who constantly complains whines and uses profanity as a way to get her point across. You can be a strong – assertive – humble – straight shooter– effective communicator without all the extra nonsense of a raised voice, neck rolling, finger pointing and idle threats about what he needs to do. Know the difference please. 10.) Engages in Sex Often – Contrary to many women beliefs a man can be faithful. And no it is never an excuse or justifiable for a man cheating on you. However, your best bet is to never allow your man to go out into the world horny and wishing you would engage in sex with him more. This is setting the stage for disaster. When a man is full, more times than not he doesn’t want to overeat. BTW, creativity and innovation in those sexual encounters is a plus. 11.) Can Cook – We all love to eat, especially men. Men are even cooking more nowadays. But a woman who can cook will not only keep a smile on his face, but a woman who enjoys cooking and cooks with pride says a lot about her a person. 12.) Who knows who she is – if you don’t know who you are you can’t expect anything from anyone else. A man who knows who he is will be able to tell if you know who you are. 13.) Has a Relationship with God – Maya Angelou said, “A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.”

The ladies Gentleman!

A man is called a man because of his level of maturity and not his age. In order to have the word gentle added on, he must know how to treat and respect a woman and then and only then will he be considered a gentleman.

No more secrets...No more lies!

Viruses kill, family secrets destroy and the truth hurts. You may not like the truth but the truth can save your life. You may have not caused the problem or problems but you can solve them. Relieve yourself of all that pain that was inflicted upon you as a child, teenager or as an adult so you can live a carefree loving life and give others the love they so deserve. Lets learn to love one another and put in the energy and attention as we do sports or entertainment. Love the one your with, show love to the one your with, listen to the one your with, communicate to the one your with but most importantly be honest to the one your with. In this life we have choices, we have options so choose best for yourself. Be responsible for you!

10 Ways to Attract the Best Man for YOU.

1.) Know who you are - if you don't know who you are you can't expect anything from anyone else. A man who knows who he is, will be able to tell if you know who you are. 2.) Be transparent and honest from the start - there is no need to play guessing games. If you want to attract the right man, he needs to know that you are a no nonsense woman. 3.) Be what you want to attract - you will not attract something you are not. The energy you put out into the world will be exactly what you attract. 4.) Have standards - don't settle for someone jut because he's a nice guy. There are plenty of nice guys out here, but there are slim pickings for the best one for you. 5.) Demand respect - many times women think that respect is automatically given, while this may seem logical you're presentation and your conversation will go a long way to establish that respect is a must. 6.) Understand his past - everyone has a past, but unless you've known where a person has been you have no idea who they are and where they are going. How you start doesn't have to determine how you finish, but many times it can give u an indication. 7.) Family - how does he treat his family? Is family important to him? All families have their share of problems, but if family is not important this could be a red flag. 8.) Finances - does he have bad credit, spends money impulsively, etc. how a person manages their money is important. Having a financial plan for the future is as important as maintaining good health. 9.) Communication - most men don't know how to express their emotions. Effective communication is essential to any healthy and long-term relationship. If he can't talk, you are better off talking to yourself. 10.) Must believe in God and have an evolving relationship with him - you don't have to be a church goer, but you must understand that God is everything and without him nothing is possible.