A Man Finding His Way Back to Love!!!

My life has had many angles, some acute, some right, some left, but
all these angles have led me to a place of contrition. I’ve searched
for love with an empty heart looking to fill a space that should have
been filled with self-love. Searching for validation from others due
to insecurities that I mask through a shielded cover of a fictitious
sense of self-confidence; never alone, but feeling lonely because what
I seek I have yet to find. How can one possibly love someone else if
they do not love themselves? Enabling myself to receive love, but
unable to give it in return is a selfish response to a broken heart
that knows no better way but to fear a loss of love without ever
taking a risk on obtaining it. I gain, I lose, I win, I fail; its a
vicious poisonous cycle that has plagued my life for way too long. I
no longer want to be the inconsistent person that I see in the mirror.
I no longer want to be the person who has it all and loses it all in
one single swift motion. I am ready to rise from the ashes,
rediscovering what I once knew to be true, real, and pure. A being
that was divinely woven by God’s hands, made in his image out of love.
The only thing that stands in the way of what I seek, is me. The
time has arrived for me to get out of my own way. And if no one else
believes in me, I believe in myself. Who I am to deprive myself of a
love so great that it seems like a fairy tale, but is real to me and
everyone else who ask me the question: “Why do you smile?, Why do you
glow?, Why is it that when everything around you seems to be in utter
mayhem you still appear to be at peace?” I lower my eyes, take a deep
breath, and let out a sigh of relief and say, “Outside of God the
greatest love I’ve ever known is in love with me and I am in love with
her.” And if you want to know how I learned the lessons I needed to
learn in order to get to this point where I am today, I will gladly
say, “There was a bright light that shined inside of me the entire
time while I was going through the storm that I was too blind to see.
And little did I know, that same light was the rib that was created
from my body that God sent to save me. It is the same reason why I
smile, why I have such a glow, why I am at peace when everything else
around me is in complete disarray.” Yes indeed.. she is my woman and
it is because of her that I am, and that I can be better…