Fellas, Brothers, Men….
When are we going to take ownership and be responsible, accountable and put the ego to the side, support one another, but most importantly stand behind our women? When are we going to let the machoism go and stop worrying about what the next man is saying or thinking about us? We are suppose to set and lead by example! In order for our homes to be at full force we need to stand tall. We have so much strength according to us in the gym (Ballys, L.A.Fitness, Export), but yet we don’t stand strong in the areas we should such as, our homes, children, communities,etc. We can run, but can’t hide. I’m calling a spade a spade because I once lived the same way, but I no longer care what the next man thinks of me because I realize finally it’s not about me. Our children need us. We complain everyday, how they’re doing this and doing that, but don’t forget we were once kids that did the same thing and sometimes worse. We forget we once had parents, whether it was a single mother, who did the same thing we are doing. So the big question is, When do we stop the cycle? Well, I choose to stop it now. I could careless that you ridicule or talk against what I am doing. This picture is bigger than us. We(men) want the finer things in life, beautiful women with nice bodies, nice cars, jobs, but do we want to work at it? Why don’t we talk about how we are going to hold our families and women down; instead we talk about watching basketball players (D.Rose, Kobe, Chris Paul). on television. Why aren’t we trying to find a solution and come up with a plan on how we can better educate our kids against the negative effects of what the media is teaching them such as music videos, video games, etc. We need to pay closer attention to the one person who really makes us and continue to be there for us. Our Woman! Our Queen! Our Wife! or whatever endearing term you choose to use. We act like we can do this without them, but we all know that’s a bunch of crap. How many of us have begged our way back in when we have messed up? I’m sure many are too egotistical to admit it. Well, I will be the first to admit it, I have that’s why I was blessed with the opportunity to come up with something as great as B.O.R.N. (Building Our Relationships NOW). Although many of us have crawled our way back to a lost love, but here’s a better idea, how about don’t mess up the first time. If you know better, then do better, right your wrongs before they exacerbate into a catastrophe. I am not here to judge anyone, however I am speaking the facts. I know it’s not every man, but its the majority of us that fall short. Let’s stand together and mean something to our mother’s, wives, sisters, nieces, etc. What do they all have in common? They are all women, so let’s treat them as such….QUEENS. How do we expect our daughters or future daughters to be treated with respect if we don’t treat women with respect. Kinda backwards and selfish, huh? My plea is let’s take our position and be real men to our little boys who one day will become men. We need to be men, act like men, be better fathers, husbands, show support to one another, be role models to our boys, help raise our girls to be respectful ladies, and build back up our communities. Break the Cycle NOW. Be what God Designed us to be…..Leaders!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Know your God!!!
Let's not only give a positive word or Prayer when someone is sad or there has been a death. Let's not only Pray and seek God when we need something or want him to get us out of a bind. Let's support, Pray and lift one another up all the time.....DAILY!! B.O.R.N. all the way...
Move on before it's too late!!!
Message from B.O.R.N. Stop Domestic Violence NOW!!.....Ladies, you don't have to take it. Get out of it when the sign is shown. Save yourself. You should be loved not pounded on or cursed out. Verbal abuse/Profanity leads to physical violence. GET OUT NOW!!!
Know who you have on your side!!!
No matter how talented one may be never let their negative spirit sabotage your hard work or vision. (remove yourself). Everybody's not meant to do business together. That's why it's called reason, season or lifetime. This too applies to relationships. Sometimes as hard as it may sound, you may have to disconnect from family members if they are not on the same page.
The moral of the story: Only bring into your world those that are ready to move forward and for those backsliders, let them feed off your positive energy and if they are hungry, they will take it all in. No matter what, never give up!!!
The moral of the story: Only bring into your world those that are ready to move forward and for those backsliders, let them feed off your positive energy and if they are hungry, they will take it all in. No matter what, never give up!!!
Friday, November 11, 2011
A Bad Boy Turned Good: Rebuilding and Redefining Our Relationships!!!
I thought that if God wanted all women to be happy, he would've made all men like me. I’m everyone’s woman’s dream and every man’s nightmare. If I wanted you, consider yourself lucky. But if you wanted me and I didn’t want you, then there’s always that man who is a distant second. My motto: love them and leave them, use and abuse them. That’s what bad boys do, but women love it, they enjoy the excitement of someone with edge that lures them into forbidden territories that their mothers always told them to stay away from. But like a kid in a candy store, you can’t help but to touch and taste what seems so appealing on the outside. I enjoyed taking advantage of vulnerable spirits that willingly gave themselves to me. I am only taking what was rightfully mine in the first place. Women were made to be helpmates, so why not use them to get what I want. This was my story until I met the woman that made a bad boy turn good.
The right woman can change a man’s life forever. She inspired and saw things in me that I didn’t even see in myself; she made me want to be a better man. I wasn’t looking for her and despite my wayward ways she loved me in spite of me. But in spite of her undying love for me I couldn’t keep her, because I allowed my bad boy ways to get in the way of love. The day I lost her was the day I realized that I wasn’t doing right as a man and that I was still hurting from past experiences which surely prevented my relationship from working. They say you never miss a good thing until it’s gone, well she was gone and she was never coming back. I spent many days and nights in pain trying to figure out how I could reconcile with her, but to no avail the relationship had met its demise. After countless sleepless nights I had an epiphany, what I needed to do is “HEAL” from past hurt. My revelation was that I was carrying around my past hurts and pain from previous relationships into my current relationship. And how can you be good for anyone else if you can’t be good for yourself. It was time to face and release the demons that had continued to haunt me that my subconscious mind would not let go. It was time to be born again. Through prayer and intercession, I realized the urgent need to be healed. What I realized that day was that a man is only as good as his woman allows him to be. Moreover, most men don’t know who they are until they know what kind of woman they want or if they even want a woman. But knowing this woman made me realize that I wanted to be a better man and if I was going to make a mends with this woman, it was time for me to not only let go of my past, but it was time for me to rebuild and redefine our relationship.
Relationships can undergo many transformations. These transformations can take form in repairing current relationships to developing healthier connections in the present and future or healing from past heartache. When relationships are broken and/or have become weakened due to deceit, and betrayal, it is often times very difficult to regain the trust and love needed to rebuild and strengthen it. The first step to rebuilding and strengthening a broken relationship is to become transparent, coming clean through absolute honesty. It is best to lay it all on the table and be fair to the other person than to try to hide behind subliminal truths that only expose part of the reality that has added insult to injury in the relationship.
The second step to rebuilding and strengthening a relationship is one’s ability to forgive. Asking for forgiveness is often times viewed as a way of saying that you are deeply remorseful for your transgressions against another person. However, asking for forgiveness is much more than simply saying one is sorry. It’s both parties’ willingness to let go, allowing one another the capacity to create the freedom needed to create a new future. Apologizing for the hurt, and listening empathically to loved one’s concerns, fear and anger over conditions that has brought you to a point of needing to rebuild and redefine can enhance and improve a broken foundation. One must realize that it takes time to rebuild trust therefore you must learn to cultivate patience during this process. Rebuilding and strengthening is a process that takes time, and time is essential to the healing and growth process. Keep in mind that during this process there will be detours that will try to get you off track, but stay the course.
You must create your own path, for the road less traveled will lead you to new lands that you never knew existed. You must learn new communication skills, including being direct about what you feel and need. You must take responsibility for your actions and through measures of accountability; restructure the relationship to fit a new and improved perspective. Be proactive in defining a vision of your life together and devise a plan for how you are going to get there. And remember to always respect each other’s: values, time, privacy, space, weaknesses, point of view, faith, love, choices, characters, and one another.
The right woman can change a man’s life forever. She inspired and saw things in me that I didn’t even see in myself; she made me want to be a better man. I wasn’t looking for her and despite my wayward ways she loved me in spite of me. But in spite of her undying love for me I couldn’t keep her, because I allowed my bad boy ways to get in the way of love. The day I lost her was the day I realized that I wasn’t doing right as a man and that I was still hurting from past experiences which surely prevented my relationship from working. They say you never miss a good thing until it’s gone, well she was gone and she was never coming back. I spent many days and nights in pain trying to figure out how I could reconcile with her, but to no avail the relationship had met its demise. After countless sleepless nights I had an epiphany, what I needed to do is “HEAL” from past hurt. My revelation was that I was carrying around my past hurts and pain from previous relationships into my current relationship. And how can you be good for anyone else if you can’t be good for yourself. It was time to face and release the demons that had continued to haunt me that my subconscious mind would not let go. It was time to be born again. Through prayer and intercession, I realized the urgent need to be healed. What I realized that day was that a man is only as good as his woman allows him to be. Moreover, most men don’t know who they are until they know what kind of woman they want or if they even want a woman. But knowing this woman made me realize that I wanted to be a better man and if I was going to make a mends with this woman, it was time for me to not only let go of my past, but it was time for me to rebuild and redefine our relationship.
Relationships can undergo many transformations. These transformations can take form in repairing current relationships to developing healthier connections in the present and future or healing from past heartache. When relationships are broken and/or have become weakened due to deceit, and betrayal, it is often times very difficult to regain the trust and love needed to rebuild and strengthen it. The first step to rebuilding and strengthening a broken relationship is to become transparent, coming clean through absolute honesty. It is best to lay it all on the table and be fair to the other person than to try to hide behind subliminal truths that only expose part of the reality that has added insult to injury in the relationship.
The second step to rebuilding and strengthening a relationship is one’s ability to forgive. Asking for forgiveness is often times viewed as a way of saying that you are deeply remorseful for your transgressions against another person. However, asking for forgiveness is much more than simply saying one is sorry. It’s both parties’ willingness to let go, allowing one another the capacity to create the freedom needed to create a new future. Apologizing for the hurt, and listening empathically to loved one’s concerns, fear and anger over conditions that has brought you to a point of needing to rebuild and redefine can enhance and improve a broken foundation. One must realize that it takes time to rebuild trust therefore you must learn to cultivate patience during this process. Rebuilding and strengthening is a process that takes time, and time is essential to the healing and growth process. Keep in mind that during this process there will be detours that will try to get you off track, but stay the course.
You must create your own path, for the road less traveled will lead you to new lands that you never knew existed. You must learn new communication skills, including being direct about what you feel and need. You must take responsibility for your actions and through measures of accountability; restructure the relationship to fit a new and improved perspective. Be proactive in defining a vision of your life together and devise a plan for how you are going to get there. And remember to always respect each other’s: values, time, privacy, space, weaknesses, point of view, faith, love, choices, characters, and one another.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
A Man Finding His Way Back to Love!!!
My life has had many angles, some acute, some right, some left, but
all these angles have led me to a place of contrition. I’ve searched
for love with an empty heart looking to fill a space that should have
been filled with self-love. Searching for validation from others due
to insecurities that I mask through a shielded cover of a fictitious
sense of self-confidence; never alone, but feeling lonely because what
I seek I have yet to find. How can one possibly love someone else if
they do not love themselves? Enabling myself to receive love, but
unable to give it in return is a selfish response to a broken heart
that knows no better way but to fear a loss of love without ever
taking a risk on obtaining it. I gain, I lose, I win, I fail; its a
vicious poisonous cycle that has plagued my life for way too long. I
no longer want to be the inconsistent person that I see in the mirror.
I no longer want to be the person who has it all and loses it all in
one single swift motion. I am ready to rise from the ashes,
rediscovering what I once knew to be true, real, and pure. A being
that was divinely woven by God’s hands, made in his image out of love.
The only thing that stands in the way of what I seek, is me. The
time has arrived for me to get out of my own way. And if no one else
believes in me, I believe in myself. Who I am to deprive myself of a
love so great that it seems like a fairy tale, but is real to me and
everyone else who ask me the question: “Why do you smile?, Why do you
glow?, Why is it that when everything around you seems to be in utter
mayhem you still appear to be at peace?” I lower my eyes, take a deep
breath, and let out a sigh of relief and say, “Outside of God the
greatest love I’ve ever known is in love with me and I am in love with
her.” And if you want to know how I learned the lessons I needed to
learn in order to get to this point where I am today, I will gladly
say, “There was a bright light that shined inside of me the entire
time while I was going through the storm that I was too blind to see.
And little did I know, that same light was the rib that was created
from my body that God sent to save me. It is the same reason why I
smile, why I have such a glow, why I am at peace when everything else
around me is in complete disarray.” Yes indeed.. she is my woman and
it is because of her that I am, and that I can be better…
all these angles have led me to a place of contrition. I’ve searched
for love with an empty heart looking to fill a space that should have
been filled with self-love. Searching for validation from others due
to insecurities that I mask through a shielded cover of a fictitious
sense of self-confidence; never alone, but feeling lonely because what
I seek I have yet to find. How can one possibly love someone else if
they do not love themselves? Enabling myself to receive love, but
unable to give it in return is a selfish response to a broken heart
that knows no better way but to fear a loss of love without ever
taking a risk on obtaining it. I gain, I lose, I win, I fail; its a
vicious poisonous cycle that has plagued my life for way too long. I
no longer want to be the inconsistent person that I see in the mirror.
I no longer want to be the person who has it all and loses it all in
one single swift motion. I am ready to rise from the ashes,
rediscovering what I once knew to be true, real, and pure. A being
that was divinely woven by God’s hands, made in his image out of love.
The only thing that stands in the way of what I seek, is me. The
time has arrived for me to get out of my own way. And if no one else
believes in me, I believe in myself. Who I am to deprive myself of a
love so great that it seems like a fairy tale, but is real to me and
everyone else who ask me the question: “Why do you smile?, Why do you
glow?, Why is it that when everything around you seems to be in utter
mayhem you still appear to be at peace?” I lower my eyes, take a deep
breath, and let out a sigh of relief and say, “Outside of God the
greatest love I’ve ever known is in love with me and I am in love with
her.” And if you want to know how I learned the lessons I needed to
learn in order to get to this point where I am today, I will gladly
say, “There was a bright light that shined inside of me the entire
time while I was going through the storm that I was too blind to see.
And little did I know, that same light was the rib that was created
from my body that God sent to save me. It is the same reason why I
smile, why I have such a glow, why I am at peace when everything else
around me is in complete disarray.” Yes indeed.. she is my woman and
it is because of her that I am, and that I can be better…
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
A Brave Heart!!!
Message from B.O.R.N. 20 YEARS later and he is still standing and living proud, MAGIC JOHNSON that is. Magic you are a brave man, REAL MAN. We don't judge you, we just embrace you. You are a prime example of revealing the truth and pain because we all know it had to be painful to find out something like that, not to mention reveal it to the world. Keep living MAGIC and leading by example. Magic you are a class act!!!!
My final thoughts: Running away from the truth will never set you free. Let go of the image, pride and ego, before it destroys you. Ask yourself who are you trying to impress and how will it help you? You will find no one really cares. Give others the chance to know the real you so you can receive all the Blessings that await you.
My final thoughts: Running away from the truth will never set you free. Let go of the image, pride and ego, before it destroys you. Ask yourself who are you trying to impress and how will it help you? You will find no one really cares. Give others the chance to know the real you so you can receive all the Blessings that await you.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Voices can be scary and technology (phones) can be trouble!!!
Age 22:
At home one evening while watching television the phone rings. I pick up the phone, the person on the other lines asks for someone else; I replied “you have the wrong number.” I pause because after hearing her voice I continued the conversation because her voice sounded so sexy. The conversation continues due to my peaked curiosity and before long what started as a wrong number turned into phone sex. I asked the woman on the other line what she looked like, she replied describing herself as Janet Jackson in the movie Poetic Justice. Initially I got frantic, but then paused again because I remembered what Smokey said in the movie “Friday,” “she told me she looked like Janet Jackson, but the b$%^&* looked more like Freddie Jackson.” Naw that’s just a movie so I continued on with the conversation; I arranged for her to come see me early in the morning before I headed to work. We scheduled for her to get there at 7am. Although she did call to say that she was running late, she was too late so I decided to leave. As I was going out the entrance, I saw a woman in the lobby of my building by the intercom. I heard my voice coming from the voice recording on my phone, so I instantly knew she was the one looking for me. OMG!!! She was nothing like she described herself…She looked a hot mess. Needless to say I walked swiftly to my car avoiding any possible eye contact. As I’m driving, she calls me moments later, asking , “where are you?” I responded a few minutes away from the job. She then asked, “ what are you wearing? Are you wearing beige?” I replied, “No, I’m wearing all black.” I never answered her calls ever again…
At home one evening while watching television the phone rings. I pick up the phone, the person on the other lines asks for someone else; I replied “you have the wrong number.” I pause because after hearing her voice I continued the conversation because her voice sounded so sexy. The conversation continues due to my peaked curiosity and before long what started as a wrong number turned into phone sex. I asked the woman on the other line what she looked like, she replied describing herself as Janet Jackson in the movie Poetic Justice. Initially I got frantic, but then paused again because I remembered what Smokey said in the movie “Friday,” “she told me she looked like Janet Jackson, but the b$%^&* looked more like Freddie Jackson.” Naw that’s just a movie so I continued on with the conversation; I arranged for her to come see me early in the morning before I headed to work. We scheduled for her to get there at 7am. Although she did call to say that she was running late, she was too late so I decided to leave. As I was going out the entrance, I saw a woman in the lobby of my building by the intercom. I heard my voice coming from the voice recording on my phone, so I instantly knew she was the one looking for me. OMG!!! She was nothing like she described herself…She looked a hot mess. Needless to say I walked swiftly to my car avoiding any possible eye contact. As I’m driving, she calls me moments later, asking , “where are you?” I responded a few minutes away from the job. She then asked, “ what are you wearing? Are you wearing beige?” I replied, “No, I’m wearing all black.” I never answered her calls ever again…
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Remove the Shackles!!!
Message from B.O.R.N. If you are involved in a relationship and you constantly have to defend yourself, prove everything thing you do or say then you are a prisoner of insecurity. It's not your insecurity but the person that continues to question everything you do. I hope you understand no matter how many times you tell or say what you know the truth is that person doesn't hear you're truth, they only hear what their mind is saying to them. Unless they deal with their own inner self(trust issues) they will continue to experience an unhealthy lifestyle.
Friday, October 21, 2011
You can do it, so stay the course!
This is my Master Cleanse (fasting)week. It has been a challenge in all ways. Everything from the kitchen sink has been thrown at me, however, I will not let anything defeat me. Defeat is no option. Know that whenever there is something that you are trying to do positive, obstacles will appear out of nowhere. We must stay the course and finish the race.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Age 23 -32 lost at an early age, prime of my life.
Who am I? I was dating an older single woman for a few months. She was extremely generous, single mother of one son, entrepreneur, cooked for me all the time as well as bought me anything I wanted whenever I wanted. That’s how I liked it, a woman taking care of me. I happen to go out one Saturday night. I met another woman, older of course. Only days had gone by. The new woman called and asked to see me. While sitting in my room she asked me if I was seeing anybody, I said yes. At that time she told me I had to stop seeing her. The new friend was a mother of a son, but was married to a pro basketball player. WOW……I couldn’t believe what I had done, in a matter of days after meeting this woman I called my friend I had been dating for months and told her that our relationship was over, “don’t call me again”. She was devastated, but due to the fact that she was a woman that wasn’t possessive she didn’t give me a hard time. Well, here it is 9 years later and I’m still involved, in love with one another. I lived a life of a ghost, nobody knew about this relationship, but my family and 2 best friends at the time. I was a complete liar during that time, even with other friends. I had everybody thinking I was living a normal life, but it was tumultuous. All I wanted was for God to help me because the stress alone was killing me. Although, she would eventually leave him, I lost 9 yrs of my life that I couldn’t get back. I would visit her home which could have been ugly if her husband had surprised her. She would tell her husband she was going to church as an excuse to come see me for a few hours. I got a pager so she could have a way to send me messages when she wasn’t able to see me. She would text me with a particular code to tell me she loved me. I was content. There were times I would be in the house for days, weeks, weekend after weekend, waiting for her to see me because at one point I didn’t have a pager. This usually took place during the summer months when the season was over. We would go out of town together. There were times we were suppose to spend New Year’s Eve together, but she stood me up because she couldn’t get away. During these 9 years I was manipulating everybody, allowing people to think that I had a lot of women, when in reality I was playing myself because I was involved with a married woman. I thought I had the game mastered, but I didn’t. At one point in my life before her, I was in total control of my life and the ladies; well that’s what I thought. I was the second option in this relationship. To add insult to injury, due to having influence and having a vast network, I was able to get this woman a job. She had never worked during her marriage because she didn’t have to. She decided to get a job because she was trying to show me that I was the one she wanted to be with and she no longer wanted to use her husband’s money. She proved her love for me by leaving him and moving in with me. By this time, she was working her third job. She lived with me for about a week, but it didn’t work. I guess I didn’t like my space being occupied with anyone else. After all that, I was about to have this woman all to myself, but we didn’t get a long during that week so she looked for a place, moved out and that was the end of us..
My advice: No need to play with someone else's toys when you can have your own. I had a single woman but chose someone else wife because of beauty and money and it cost me valuable years of my life. I did fall in love and so did she but at the end of the day, it wasn't meant to be because she was always someone else's. Love is deadly, especially if you aren't use to receiving it. We are all worth something, so let's not deprive ourselves and settle for what we think looks good or what someone may have. Know that when you play second fiddle, you don't and never will come out on top. Be confident, feel good about who you are and know you can have anything you want in this world that you put your mind to.
My advice: No need to play with someone else's toys when you can have your own. I had a single woman but chose someone else wife because of beauty and money and it cost me valuable years of my life. I did fall in love and so did she but at the end of the day, it wasn't meant to be because she was always someone else's. Love is deadly, especially if you aren't use to receiving it. We are all worth something, so let's not deprive ourselves and settle for what we think looks good or what someone may have. Know that when you play second fiddle, you don't and never will come out on top. Be confident, feel good about who you are and know you can have anything you want in this world that you put your mind to.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Is the presence of a father always a good thing? Have you ever wanted to meet your father?
Have you ever wanted to meet your father? Well I remember as a kid I used to say to my sister, “I’m going to find our father before I leave this earth.” And sure as my lips spoke those words into the universe that day surely did come. It was my last year in college; I was working at an internship at the Cook County Adult probation department which wasn’t mandatory for my major in criminal justice, however, I wanted the experience in my field. While working there I had access to prisoner’s records, so I decided to check the county jail record books. I searched the database for my father; Mr.Willie Graham who had been in jail all my life. Out of all the several thousands of inmates that were listed, I only found one Willie Graham. The date of birth and address was the same last known address for my dad. “Wow…..I can’t believe it”, I found my dad. No sooner than I called the jail to set up a visit to see this man who was my father.
Visiting day had finally arrived; my stomach had been in knots the day before and I tossed and turned all night. So the next day I get up and out the door and headed down to the jail. I arrived not knowing what to expect, what to say, and not even sure how I should feel. As I walked into the room where my father would await my arrival, there was a thick glass window separating myself and the prisoners. There were 5 men behind the glass, but I immediately saw this man for the first time and was able to point him out as my father. He walked over to the side where I was standing and said, “What up Mike” I replied, “Try again.” He immediately started crying and said, “son.” Well Mike is my uncle and because we look so much alike he assumed I was him. So we talked, I told him what I was doing and that I was about to graduate from college. He asked me if he got out of jail in enough time if he could come to my college graduation. I just looked at him and said, “umm hmm.” Well, he didn’t get out.
About a year or so later, I was living on the Northside of Chicago. When I returned home from work, the manager of my building said, “Some man named Willie came by looking for you saying he was your dad and he left a number for you to call him.” I called him and got his mother instead who was so excited to hear from me. I was amazed that she instantly knew it was me without ever hearing my voice. She said, “Willie went out for a few, but he was waiting for you to call.”
I’m at home cooking dinner, just about to chow down on some fried chicken wings and boxed macaroni and cheese when the phone rings, it’s him my father. He says, “I know you probably don’t feel comfortable with me coming up so why don’t you come down stairs.” I went downstairs to see him. OMG, I hugged my father for the first time ever. My heart dropped to the floor; meeting my father for the first time in physical form seemed so surreal. But unfortunately after only talking for less than 10 minutes, we were about to come to blows. I can’t even remember what brought that on, but I remember him saying “ You are definitely my son, that temper.” He start telling me about his lifestyle, how manipulative he used to be, how he was dangerous, how he shot people, sold drugs, used drugs and pimped. He also made sure to mention that he left my mother because he was no good for us and had he been around me I wouldn’t have been the person I have grown to be because he had such great influence and surely I would have followed in his footsteps. I thought to myself for a moment, he is probably right and for the first time I realized that sometimes God takes us through things that we cannot explain, and when we search for the answers to the unanswerable questions God reminds us that he is always in control so just be still and patient and your blessing will be revealed in his time. The absence of my father in my life, while it caused me much confusion, left me feeling abandoned at the time. In hindsight I may not be where I am today had my father been around, so I guess I can say his absence was a mixed blessing.
The ironic thing about this story is I lived at 4423 N. Sheridan and my dad always lived on the next block on Sunnyside. I had absolutely no idea that I moved to the same area as my father and all that time he lived so close yet we were so far apart.
Later I introduced my father to my sisters. My father established a relationship with my sisters and me, but I was a bit distant. I would often see my father in the neighbor where I lived and from what I gathered he had seemingly gone back into his old habits. Due to his awkward behaviors it appeared that he was doing drugs again because of his actions. Some time had passed and my father had become ill and had to be hospitalized. I remember my sister kept telling me to go see him, he is not doing well. I didn’t want to see him at the stage he was at……he died.
Visiting day had finally arrived; my stomach had been in knots the day before and I tossed and turned all night. So the next day I get up and out the door and headed down to the jail. I arrived not knowing what to expect, what to say, and not even sure how I should feel. As I walked into the room where my father would await my arrival, there was a thick glass window separating myself and the prisoners. There were 5 men behind the glass, but I immediately saw this man for the first time and was able to point him out as my father. He walked over to the side where I was standing and said, “What up Mike” I replied, “Try again.” He immediately started crying and said, “son.” Well Mike is my uncle and because we look so much alike he assumed I was him. So we talked, I told him what I was doing and that I was about to graduate from college. He asked me if he got out of jail in enough time if he could come to my college graduation. I just looked at him and said, “umm hmm.” Well, he didn’t get out.
About a year or so later, I was living on the Northside of Chicago. When I returned home from work, the manager of my building said, “Some man named Willie came by looking for you saying he was your dad and he left a number for you to call him.” I called him and got his mother instead who was so excited to hear from me. I was amazed that she instantly knew it was me without ever hearing my voice. She said, “Willie went out for a few, but he was waiting for you to call.”
I’m at home cooking dinner, just about to chow down on some fried chicken wings and boxed macaroni and cheese when the phone rings, it’s him my father. He says, “I know you probably don’t feel comfortable with me coming up so why don’t you come down stairs.” I went downstairs to see him. OMG, I hugged my father for the first time ever. My heart dropped to the floor; meeting my father for the first time in physical form seemed so surreal. But unfortunately after only talking for less than 10 minutes, we were about to come to blows. I can’t even remember what brought that on, but I remember him saying “ You are definitely my son, that temper.” He start telling me about his lifestyle, how manipulative he used to be, how he was dangerous, how he shot people, sold drugs, used drugs and pimped. He also made sure to mention that he left my mother because he was no good for us and had he been around me I wouldn’t have been the person I have grown to be because he had such great influence and surely I would have followed in his footsteps. I thought to myself for a moment, he is probably right and for the first time I realized that sometimes God takes us through things that we cannot explain, and when we search for the answers to the unanswerable questions God reminds us that he is always in control so just be still and patient and your blessing will be revealed in his time. The absence of my father in my life, while it caused me much confusion, left me feeling abandoned at the time. In hindsight I may not be where I am today had my father been around, so I guess I can say his absence was a mixed blessing.
The ironic thing about this story is I lived at 4423 N. Sheridan and my dad always lived on the next block on Sunnyside. I had absolutely no idea that I moved to the same area as my father and all that time he lived so close yet we were so far apart.
Later I introduced my father to my sisters. My father established a relationship with my sisters and me, but I was a bit distant. I would often see my father in the neighbor where I lived and from what I gathered he had seemingly gone back into his old habits. Due to his awkward behaviors it appeared that he was doing drugs again because of his actions. Some time had passed and my father had become ill and had to be hospitalized. I remember my sister kept telling me to go see him, he is not doing well. I didn’t want to see him at the stage he was at……he died.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
First day of College (18yrs old).
I’m on my way to college. I didn’t have the luxury of having someone take me, nor help me get there. I took the Amtrak Train, having to carry one large suitcase and plastic bags. I’m a freshman, checked into my dorm (Neeley hall). There were women everywhere, instantly my manipulative ways started up again. It was so easy. I was able to whisper sweet nothings into the ears of young ladies. I began to put together a little black book, how many could I sleep with and add to the notches on my belt. Here we go again, I met this senior. I would tell my male friends about my accomplishments. Sure enough, it got back to the woman that I was telling. Upon hearing the news that I told someone, instantly I became enraged. I went to the one of the guy’s house once I found out and beat him up. It wasn’t until my junior year; I had my radar on for this particular young lady. I made her my girlfriend. In the process, I didn’t trust her because I didn’t trust myself, I became insecure. I got angry one day and pushed her in the bushes. Why did I do that? Well, I was arrogant and thought I had the world in my hands.
I could have destroyed my future/career before it started. My advice: Don't let your ego, desire for people to accept or like you or anger interfere with your goal you’re trying to attain. Don't let other's own your mind and don't try to own other's. We are not prize possessions so let's stop acting like it. We are responsible for ourselves..
I could have destroyed my future/career before it started. My advice: Don't let your ego, desire for people to accept or like you or anger interfere with your goal you’re trying to attain. Don't let other's own your mind and don't try to own other's. We are not prize possessions so let's stop acting like it. We are responsible for ourselves..
Monday, October 17, 2011
Age 10, motherly love
How would it have affected you if your mother was dating not just a married man, but a married man that had many kids throughout your community? Well, I had to deal with it, along with my three sisters. He was supposedly my stepfather, had the same rights of whooping me that a father would have had, although he would come and go as he pleased. My mother put him first. He would come over for a few days, stay overnight and then go back to his wife or whomever. My mother accepted it, she was content. Her routine was looking out the 8th floor window, waiting for him to show up. She would see his car pull up, run to the bathroom and get dolled up, take her rollers out, let her hair down and put on sexy clothes. At that point was the only time she would allow us to go outside so that she could spend some alone time with him. She was extra nice when he came over. She would allow him to whoop me and my youngest sister with an extension cord. We all sustained busted heads/gashes running from the beating. I vividly remember I ran and crashed right into the wall busting the back of my head, but wasn’t taken to the hospital. I continued to get beat although I was bleeding. I just kept hearing her say, you will be fine. I couldn’t understand why my mom would allow this man to put his hands on us. We were teased by our peers. Our mother being called a whore because everybody knew he was married and they considered him a pimp. He wore suits, hats, cowboy boots, and fur coats all the time. I don’t recall him having a job. Due to the treatment I was embarrassed for myself and my sisters. I as angry; I rebelled. I started lying. I became a compulsive liar. While being into sports, I use to use sports as my way of getting away. This so called stepfather would send me to the store like I was his slave. I could be outside playing, it didn’t matter I would still have to go. My mother would make me go. I remember she would make his food, bring it to him while he laid in the bed, but she never did that for us. Granted there were only 2 bedrooms, she allowed him to let his two Alaskan Huskies dogs to live in our apartment when he lived somewhere else. The dogs had a room and when we would all sleep in the other room me, 3 sisters, my mother and him when he decided to stay over. Can you imagine six people all sleeping in a 8 by 8 room while his two dogs sleep in a room all to themselves?
There were 3 beds, my sisters slept together in one bed, I slept in another while my mom and stepfather slept in another, “yes this is one room”. Not to mention, he use to have a gun and bags of marijuana hidden under the mattress of the bed I slept in. I eventually start having nightmares, so that lead me to wetting the bed. When my mother found out, instead of finding out why, she would beat me with an extension cord. It had gotten so bad that she start making me sleep on the floor. I just continued to wet the carpet instead of the bed, she would beat me, he would beat me….I had to then sleep in the bathroom, but although I was right there it didn’t stop me from urinating. I had horrible nightmares and was afraid to get up. I start rebelling. I wanted to get him back. I started stealing his money. He would come over, take his clothes off and lay them across the bed so they wouldn’t get wrinkled. The bed he used to lay his clothes on was my sister’s bed. If they wanted to take a nap or go to bed, they would have to ask him to move them. I guess he noticed his money was missing which I had been stealing for months before I got caught. He set me up. I would never forget, my mother went grocery shopping, while putting the food away I was told to take the tissue to the bathroom. While doing so, it was my opportunity to get some money. As I was going into his pants pocket while I thought he was in the kitchen, he snuck up on me with my hands in the pants pocket. I was not only beaten that day with an extension cord by my mother, I was also beaten by him. As a punishment, I had to stay in the house the entire summer. No sports related activities whatsoever. This man dated my mother for 20 years; my mother became pregnant with her fifth child at the age of 35. He was never to be seen again when she told him she was pregnant. This same man even tried to fondle my 3 sisters and when they told my mother about his behavior, my mother didn’t believe them and took his side. It’s been nearly 27 yrs and this man is nowhere to be found. My youngest sister and his daughter have never seen her father. The moral of this story is: I say to all you single parents out there, don’t be desperate for a man. No man is worth denying your child or putting before your children. No man is worth losing your kids. Where is he now? and you and your daughters still don’t have a relationship.
There were 3 beds, my sisters slept together in one bed, I slept in another while my mom and stepfather slept in another, “yes this is one room”. Not to mention, he use to have a gun and bags of marijuana hidden under the mattress of the bed I slept in. I eventually start having nightmares, so that lead me to wetting the bed. When my mother found out, instead of finding out why, she would beat me with an extension cord. It had gotten so bad that she start making me sleep on the floor. I just continued to wet the carpet instead of the bed, she would beat me, he would beat me….I had to then sleep in the bathroom, but although I was right there it didn’t stop me from urinating. I had horrible nightmares and was afraid to get up. I start rebelling. I wanted to get him back. I started stealing his money. He would come over, take his clothes off and lay them across the bed so they wouldn’t get wrinkled. The bed he used to lay his clothes on was my sister’s bed. If they wanted to take a nap or go to bed, they would have to ask him to move them. I guess he noticed his money was missing which I had been stealing for months before I got caught. He set me up. I would never forget, my mother went grocery shopping, while putting the food away I was told to take the tissue to the bathroom. While doing so, it was my opportunity to get some money. As I was going into his pants pocket while I thought he was in the kitchen, he snuck up on me with my hands in the pants pocket. I was not only beaten that day with an extension cord by my mother, I was also beaten by him. As a punishment, I had to stay in the house the entire summer. No sports related activities whatsoever. This man dated my mother for 20 years; my mother became pregnant with her fifth child at the age of 35. He was never to be seen again when she told him she was pregnant. This same man even tried to fondle my 3 sisters and when they told my mother about his behavior, my mother didn’t believe them and took his side. It’s been nearly 27 yrs and this man is nowhere to be found. My youngest sister and his daughter have never seen her father. The moral of this story is: I say to all you single parents out there, don’t be desperate for a man. No man is worth denying your child or putting before your children. No man is worth losing your kids. Where is he now? and you and your daughters still don’t have a relationship.
Worrying about what other's think of you can ruin you.
I’m in H.S. living off my oldest sister’s status. I’m hanging out with older people, juniors and seniors. I was dating a junior while I was a freshman. I wasn’t a jock. I tried to fit in. I wasn’t accepted because I didn’t play sports. I had to make it up by dating older women, dating women was a sport to me, it gave me an identity. I had to prove myself amongst my peers.
My advice: Living up to other's expectations can and will disappoint you, it disappointed me and many others. Don't let other's whether it be family or friends dictate who you are. Establish yourself based on your on morals, values and beliefs. Today I have great expectations of myself and find that everything I do based on my own thoughts and feelings are far more beneficial.
My advice: Living up to other's expectations can and will disappoint you, it disappointed me and many others. Don't let other's whether it be family or friends dictate who you are. Establish yourself based on your on morals, values and beliefs. Today I have great expectations of myself and find that everything I do based on my own thoughts and feelings are far more beneficial.
My pain started at age 10.
I remember my mother used to tell me, don’t cross the street. I tried to cross the street, got hit by a car attempting to run. Out of fear, I knew I would be whooped by my mother; I panicked, got up and ran out of shock. My mother found me on the second floor hiding in the hallway. She was yelling and screaming at me, wanting to whoop me, but the ambulance arrived looking for me. She wasn’t concerned whether I had a broken leg or not. I remember returning home after leaving the hospital to be whooped by my mother. I questioned did my mother love me or not. My answer today is.....YES....It was her way of loving me.
Friday, October 14, 2011
You have the power!!!
Message from B.O.R.N...We may not like everything about a person, but we should love everything about them and every aspect of them because we are creations of God. We serve him, not ourselves. He(God) loves us so we need to love each other. He(God) gives us chances therefore we need to do the same. He(God) hasn't given up so we shouldn't. We have work to do, it can and will be done. I choose nothing but peace. I am no longer an enemy in my mind therefore nothing can rule. I look forward and not behind so all that had stunt my growth will no longer. I have knowledge, power and abilities to do all things GREAT through God that protects me.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Our First Love!
A woman is the driving force behind EVERY man's accomplishments. She is our mother. She gave birth to us. She was our first, let's not forget....... PRICELESS!!!
Saturday, October 1, 2011
It's a woman's world!
Without you I(we) could not be B.O.R.N. Without you I(we) would not know how to be the man I am. Your lessons have taught me(us) how to stand strong. I(we) honor you. You are my(our)Queen, you are every man's dream. You are a precious star, so much of a lovely woman that you are. When we(men) look into your eyes, we see a woman of honesty, dignity or might I say respectability. Please know we(men) will claim that identity, an identity to be the man we know we shall and will be.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Testimonies are REAL!!!
Testimony: B.O.R.N. is transforming & healing lives. A young man who was estranged from his 3 year old son for 3 years, was reunited yesterday. He credits the B.O.R.N. movement for inspiring him to be accountable & taking responsibility for being in his sons life. They are now reunited & building their relationship.
Monday, September 26, 2011
The B.O.R.N. Show
Hey World. The 2nd taping of The B.O.R.N. Show is coming soon. Please inbox me your email address if you are interested in being a member of the audience. Remember it takes a team to make it happen. Men making a difference in the lives of our children, families, communities.etc.( Real Men keeping it real). Please support The B.O.R.N. Show. Remember this isn't about me, it's about Us. Let's make a difference. Thank you in advance for your continued support! K.O.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
What Matters!!!
Message from B.O.R.N….We are so quick to watching the reality shows but yet slow to comment on real life issues. When are we not going to make it about us but make it about somebody else……Our Children need us, let’s help them. Remember Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. paved the way, so now it’s out turn to give back.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Look within!!!
Message from B.O.R.N....Don't let your love for him or her cloud your judgement or decision making. Don't be fooled by the outward appearance. Have some respect for one's intellect and just maybe you will gain some knowledge to who they are and what they have to offer you. Material things are PRICEY but Action is PRICELESS!!!! Be of value, Know your worth and live Righteously. Free your mind, Free yourself.....Heal Yourself.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Reflection!!!
“Have you asked yourself what do have to offer?” Well, first of all you don’t owe anybody anything, but it’s always good to be a blessing in somebody’s life. Remember to treat someone else like you would like to be treated.
Have you looked in the mirror lately? What did u see? Were you happy with yourself? Do you look stressed? Well, I saw a different person in me. My zest and personality was gone. I felt lifeless and didn’t know why. My sleep has been broken every night. What is it? Wait….you can’t tell me, I must figure it out myself…..
Sometimes experiences we think are bad could be OUR greatest experience. Don't regret what YOU decided to involve yourself in, just learn from it and be a better person moving forward.
Look in the mirror, take ownership for what you do; stop blaming others and just maybe you will see it's not just the other person's fault, but something you have been dealing with for quite sometime. Be mindful when taking old baggage to a new location, you can cut down on a long wasted trip! Don't waste your time or anyone else's!
Many of us say we know ourselves. Do you really know yourself? Back up and think about it, don't be nervous or afraid of the question. Do you really know yourself? Well, if you do.....then why do you continue to say or do something to hurt a person and later say, I didn't mean to do or say that!
Release and let go!!!
Message from B.O.R.N...When you hate someone you will not be able to let them go. Hate is a disease, it attacks you from all angles (mentally,spiritually,physically, emotionally and financially). Exiting a relationship with love will allow you to move on and let go, but only if you have power over yourself. Many of us no longer have power over ourselves however, our power lies within the other person. It takes too much energy to hate. Use that energy and exert it into loving yourself and others around you.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Preparation is KEY!!!
Message from B.O.R.N....For those that are looking to be Married soon or in the near future. PLEASE know that Premarital Counseling is EXTREMELY important. Stop thinking just because you have been with a person for a long time that you know everything about them.You may know what turns them on but do you know what triggers them? Sometimes a person don't share everything or the right questions are not asked. Make better preparation for a long successful marriage.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Humility is Free!!!
We can walk, talk, see, smell , taste,hear ,touch so why shall we complain when we have everything. Well let me tell you why, because we are never satisfied or happy instead we are self centered and want everything for ourselves. We must learn how to be humble like we once were when many of us were growing up in the projects and didn't have anything. Now that many of us have multiple degrees, great paying jobs, houses, nice cars,etc.we sometimes forget where we come from. Let's show humility and help the less fortunate by encouraging them that they Can DO IT. I will always remember who I am and where I come from"CABRINI GREEN"
Saturday, August 27, 2011
No More!!!!
Message from B.O.R.N...Ladies: If he curses you, pushes, slaps, chokes, or punches you, then turn around and say "I'm sorry" Well he's not. Know that he did it before you but got away with it. If he did it to you once, he will do it again and again. Don't no real man do that to a woman, only a Beast, a Coward, only a man who hates himself and life. Love don't hurt, Love don't kill you, only the devil. Make a difference, save your life or someone else's, report it. You don't have to be the next victim.... Domestic violence has to STOP but you have to say No More. Stop domestic violence Now.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Know your WORTH!!!
To all the ladies...Life is a ride, a roller coaster ride....up and down all around. As a man, I have decided to sit still and absorb the hit, that's what a real man does, cover, protect and lead his woman not quit. His lead is not power or control over her but a comfort for her to trust and believe he will guide her in the right direction. If a man wants a woman to submit, then he must COMMIT to God. I am worthy..... I am King and you are Queen.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
I admire you for you !!!
A woman would be much better off if she could distinguish the difference between a man that flatters her & a man that compliments her...a man that spends money on her & a man that invests in her...a man that views her as property & a man that views her properly...a man that lusts after her & a man that loves her...a man that believes he is Gods gift to women & a man that REMEMBERS a woman was God's gift to man....
Saturday, August 20, 2011
How about she had a husband, money and still wasn't happy.
College Days; home for the summer 1989 (sophomore)
I had just pledged Kappa at 20 yrs old. Came home for the summer, went out to a club that night and met a woman who was married to an NBA player. She didn’t tell me the night I met her. The next day she calls and “asks if she could see me”. I was home for the summer, staying with my sister on the northside of Chicago. My sister had just left for work, she came over. I would never forget she asked me “what was I doing for the summer” and “I replied, I’m looking for a job”. She says, “you don’t have to work this summer I will take care of you and to prove it,” she gave me all the money she had in her purse, $500.00.Stay tuned, more to come.....
She asked, “ if she could see me the next day” I said, “yes”. The next day she gave me a couple thousand dollars. With that money I bought suits starting at a price of 1,000 or more, rented cars for a week at a time, and went to all the parties. Stay tuned, more to come.....
Her husband had a basketball shoe contract and I would get gym shoes from her and pass them out to the guys in my neighborhood,Cabrini Green. They praised me like I was a king. I didn’t like this woman, because I had several other girlfriends, but I liked her money. As I continued to get more money, she got slick on me, made me wait for her to come over to give me something, so I could buy another suit for a party. She start controlling me through her money, knowing that I didn’t have a job, I felt powerless because I had become co-dependent on her. I was a male prostitute. I got angry and didn’t care about money anymore. I was on my way back to college so I no longer cared, I let her go.
I had just pledged Kappa at 20 yrs old. Came home for the summer, went out to a club that night and met a woman who was married to an NBA player. She didn’t tell me the night I met her. The next day she calls and “asks if she could see me”. I was home for the summer, staying with my sister on the northside of Chicago. My sister had just left for work, she came over. I would never forget she asked me “what was I doing for the summer” and “I replied, I’m looking for a job”. She says, “you don’t have to work this summer I will take care of you and to prove it,” she gave me all the money she had in her purse, $500.00.Stay tuned, more to come.....
She asked, “ if she could see me the next day” I said, “yes”. The next day she gave me a couple thousand dollars. With that money I bought suits starting at a price of 1,000 or more, rented cars for a week at a time, and went to all the parties. Stay tuned, more to come.....
Her husband had a basketball shoe contract and I would get gym shoes from her and pass them out to the guys in my neighborhood,Cabrini Green. They praised me like I was a king. I didn’t like this woman, because I had several other girlfriends, but I liked her money. As I continued to get more money, she got slick on me, made me wait for her to come over to give me something, so I could buy another suit for a party. She start controlling me through her money, knowing that I didn’t have a job, I felt powerless because I had become co-dependent on her. I was a male prostitute. I got angry and didn’t care about money anymore. I was on my way back to college so I no longer cared, I let her go.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
I have been B.O.R.N. again!!!
I thank my mom for not giving me the things I wanted but the things I needed. I forgive my mom for making her mistakes but thank her for giving me experiences to do/be better. Without my failures I could not succeed. I thank my Ex for the lessons she taught me, without her I couldn't heal from past pain. We were placed in each life for a reason. I forgive my haters/doubters/naysayers, you are my motivator. To all the players, keep on playing but know there are repercussions. To all that think they knew or know me, I have transformed. I no longer care what you think of me. I thank God for allowing me to be B.O.R.N.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Don't regret it....
If you rush it, you might miss the right turn. I suggest you be patient and evaluate the situation before you make any quick decisions that could cost you in the end.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Healing is taking place!!!
My vision is far beyond what's ever been imagined. I am on a journey to heal, succeed and help others redefine their purpose in life. The challenge is to go beyond what you think you want to be but be what you are destined to be. Be WHOLE. The first steps to healing are to admit to pain. Once a person can admit, the process begins. Next step is to target where the pain comes from. Once you have narrowed it down, then you must start to unravel the issues that have occurred since. It is now time to forgive. Forgiveness releases you from any self destructive acts. REVEAL the issue and deal with it, TALK about it, WRITE about it. Finally, you must LOVE yourself more then you can love someone else. Once you have done that, then you can finally learn how to love. YOU ARE HEALED!!!
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Prayer does work!!!
So many things are going on in the world today. Everyday we are hearing some young person being killed. We have to stop the violence. Well it all starts with Prayer. I'm asking you join in with me and Pray for everyone in your life, not in your life, those that have passed on because their family is still in need of Prayer. I am praying for you. Most importantly don't forget to Pray for YOURSELF!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Let freedom ring!!!
Be you and I will be me, then you will see how much we will be free. Let a person have the Freedom to be them and nothing else. If they make a mistake, then let them. We are all entitled to making mistakes. Live, Love and Learn Happiness!
Take the high road and stop settling for convenience.
Pain does not Discriminate (Dominoe effect). The revolving door of pain continues to take us to lower levels. Pain is like an elevator going up and down. Don't let Pain continue to be the leader of you and continue to destroy your relationships.
Don't let other's validate who you are...
Sometimes as men, our success is validated by certain things such as Beauty of a woman, clothes, cars, etc. We are always trying to up the next man. We need to worry about ourselves and not what the next man is doing. This can also apply to women as well.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Sometimes we loose Ourselves in others!
Who am I?
I have lost sight of who I am.
Do I know myself?
What happened to Kenny?
Did I ever know and why did I lose myself?
How do I regain Manhood? (POWER OVER ME)
Do I like being depressed?
Why am I so weak?
How do I regain my integrity?
Is life as hard a you make it?
I'm tired, I give up, I surrender, I release, I submit. I must focus and regain consciousness.
Where is my awareness? Can I find myself? Do I know the words stressed and depressed means nothing (railroad, destruction, defeated, lost power, weak, wounded).
Do I self destruct?
Do I defeat myself before I get started?
Do I like being a flunky/loser?
Who am I?
I know who I am. I was born Kenny Ollins. I was born man. I was born to lead. I was born with strength. I will regain sight of my purpose and why I'm here, I have power to do what I want . I will stand up and be the man my mom raised. I must stop blaming her. I must stop living in fear. No one owes me anything, therefore I owe no one. I created what I am, what I do and how I live. No one holds a knife to my neck. I make my own decisions/choices in life. How can I do some things and not all things? I will no longer be a hypocrite. I must/will stand for something. I am not damaged goods. I do have power over me. I must rise to the occasion.
I surrender, No more, I have Power, I am a Man, I can do it, I will.
I Surrender, I release, Release me God, Release me!
I surrender, I surrender, I surrender, I do, I will
It's finally over.
I WILL LIVE FREE OF PAIN!
I have lost sight of who I am.
Do I know myself?
What happened to Kenny?
Did I ever know and why did I lose myself?
How do I regain Manhood? (POWER OVER ME)
Do I like being depressed?
Why am I so weak?
How do I regain my integrity?
Is life as hard a you make it?
I'm tired, I give up, I surrender, I release, I submit. I must focus and regain consciousness.
Where is my awareness? Can I find myself? Do I know the words stressed and depressed means nothing (railroad, destruction, defeated, lost power, weak, wounded).
Do I self destruct?
Do I defeat myself before I get started?
Do I like being a flunky/loser?
Who am I?
I know who I am. I was born Kenny Ollins. I was born man. I was born to lead. I was born with strength. I will regain sight of my purpose and why I'm here, I have power to do what I want . I will stand up and be the man my mom raised. I must stop blaming her. I must stop living in fear. No one owes me anything, therefore I owe no one. I created what I am, what I do and how I live. No one holds a knife to my neck. I make my own decisions/choices in life. How can I do some things and not all things? I will no longer be a hypocrite. I must/will stand for something. I am not damaged goods. I do have power over me. I must rise to the occasion.
I surrender, No more, I have Power, I am a Man, I can do it, I will.
I Surrender, I release, Release me God, Release me!
I surrender, I surrender, I surrender, I do, I will
It's finally over.
I WILL LIVE FREE OF PAIN!
Monday, June 20, 2011
Let’s Talk About Love
If love was a drug I would be an addict, a crackhead, butt naked in a corner sweaty and scratching just like Pookie in New Jack City saying, “Scotty save me I’m gonna die.” By a round of applause how many people here have experienced love. See what I’m saying a room full of crackheads. What is it about love that makes people so damn crazy, stalking people, hanging up the phone and calling right back, leaving voice messages on the answering machine until its completely full and then showing up unannounced to their house snapping off saying, “damn you wasn’t gonna call me back”.
Then there’s that whole thing about being “in love”, now that some ole europhia overzealous high you get from the newness of the relationship, or what people like to call the honeymoon phase. Loving everything about that person while you ignore all of their major flaws like the fact that they are crazy as hell, or ladies you keep catching your man up in lies but you love him so you keep giving his sorry ass multiple chances because you remember how sweet he was in the beginning of the relationship and you continue to have that hope factor that things will get better. How many times are you going to excuse his trifling ways because he wants to have sex with you and for a brief suspended moment in time you feel good until you can’t reach him on his cell phone all night long because his battery was dead or he was sleep, yeah right. And fellas how many times are you going to cheat on your woman claiming it was just sex, it didn’t mean anything, as you use the classic line “I love my woman but I have needs”, so simple. Ladies don’t clap because you are the same person that keeps taking his sorry self back knowing he’s probably going to mess up again. Then you go crying to your girlfriends about him treating you so bad. Get over his ass and keep it moving, that’s not love that’s called tolerance. Isn’t it amazing how you can be in love with someone and then you find yourself wondering how in the hell did you ever even like this person.
Break the cycle I say… love yourself more, true it’s easier said than done, but love knows when to stay and it knows when to walk away. Some say that love hurts, --No-- love doesn’t hurt people do. Some say that love is blind, --No--infatuation is blind. A big butt or money and status is not love, it’s a poor excuse to get temporary satisfaction that ultimately exposes how shallow one is for seeking tangible things that meet an immediate gratification that only last for a short while and when its gone it’s on to the next.
Yeah we could talk about this love thing all day long until we are blue in the face. But bottom line, love is what you make it and who you make it with, love is what you do and what you say, it’s a feeling and an action. It can make you happy and it can make you sad, it can cause you to have sleepless nights and it can make you feel that you can do anything. It’s an array of emotions that keeps the heart unbalanced and the mind confused yet we all need it in order to survive. So the next time you talk about love, make sure you always remember that life without love in it no life at all. BY- NinodeDios
Then there’s that whole thing about being “in love”, now that some ole europhia overzealous high you get from the newness of the relationship, or what people like to call the honeymoon phase. Loving everything about that person while you ignore all of their major flaws like the fact that they are crazy as hell, or ladies you keep catching your man up in lies but you love him so you keep giving his sorry ass multiple chances because you remember how sweet he was in the beginning of the relationship and you continue to have that hope factor that things will get better. How many times are you going to excuse his trifling ways because he wants to have sex with you and for a brief suspended moment in time you feel good until you can’t reach him on his cell phone all night long because his battery was dead or he was sleep, yeah right. And fellas how many times are you going to cheat on your woman claiming it was just sex, it didn’t mean anything, as you use the classic line “I love my woman but I have needs”, so simple. Ladies don’t clap because you are the same person that keeps taking his sorry self back knowing he’s probably going to mess up again. Then you go crying to your girlfriends about him treating you so bad. Get over his ass and keep it moving, that’s not love that’s called tolerance. Isn’t it amazing how you can be in love with someone and then you find yourself wondering how in the hell did you ever even like this person.
Break the cycle I say… love yourself more, true it’s easier said than done, but love knows when to stay and it knows when to walk away. Some say that love hurts, --No-- love doesn’t hurt people do. Some say that love is blind, --No--infatuation is blind. A big butt or money and status is not love, it’s a poor excuse to get temporary satisfaction that ultimately exposes how shallow one is for seeking tangible things that meet an immediate gratification that only last for a short while and when its gone it’s on to the next.
Yeah we could talk about this love thing all day long until we are blue in the face. But bottom line, love is what you make it and who you make it with, love is what you do and what you say, it’s a feeling and an action. It can make you happy and it can make you sad, it can cause you to have sleepless nights and it can make you feel that you can do anything. It’s an array of emotions that keeps the heart unbalanced and the mind confused yet we all need it in order to survive. So the next time you talk about love, make sure you always remember that life without love in it no life at all. BY- NinodeDios
Sunday, June 19, 2011
A Woman’s Love can Heal, but it’s Time for Men to “Man Up”
The first love men ever experience is the love of a mother. This love is the foundation, upon which men will view and receive love. The mother-son, grandmother-son, godmother-son relationships create expectations of what many men perceive love looks like and what it feels like. Women are nurturers; this message begins as soon as they are given that first doll. The touch, the smile, the indescribable ability to comfort and support can‘t be duplicated, although many men will try. Women express love through emotions that is then shown by their actions. Women love men fearlessly, without apprehension, nor inhibitions in revealing who they are and just how much they love us. Be clear, there are no set rules or guidelines as to how women navigate their hearts: love is not just their action it is a part of them. Unfortunately this same love cannot always be reciprocated by men because to understand women, men must first understand themselves. Knowing who you are is pivotal to understanding where you have been, what you are about, and where you are going. It is by no coincidence that men often engage in relationships with women, not knowing how to connect to the intricacies of woman’s nature, spirit, heart, or emotions because this is learned through careful observation, cannot be taught, is learned by doing. The problem, contrary to popular belief, are that men can be sensitive, emotional, and many carry, yet go to great lengths to hide their insecurities in which all are traits uncommonly seen or discussed. Society teaches that men must show exterior strength at all times; masking their innate ability to be vulnerable and transparent because to do so suggests that men are weak. And yes, men do carry emotional baggage from failed relationships; past hurts, and broken hearts are haphazardly thrown or neatly folded in a suitcase, traveling everywhere these men go. There may be many bags for one man or just one for another. In each instance, all are impeded by their inability to let go; weakening the current relationship. By continuing to look upon past relationships as failures rather than relationships that were not meant to be, haunt men, burdening them forever and it will be difficult for them to love freely
No man is an island. Yet he stands alone thinking that he has it all under control. He navigates through his life constantly searching for who he is and what he wants to be. Men must learn to get out of their own way and realize that in order to truly love someone; they must relinquish all that they are for something that is much greater than themselves. Yet, in order for men to see this clearly it requires a conscious and asserted effort; first acknowledging that it is okay to give freely, but most importantly one must allow himself to heal and the only way to do that is to leave all ego, all of it, on the table. Do not go back and get it. Forget what friend’s think, what society thinks, what they were raised to believe men should and should not do.
I challenge men to be BORN again; let us start healing from within and emerge from our cocoons spun around us by past pain, doubt, failed relationships. It is time to take accountability fellas, time to hold us accountable and “Man Up”. We are not doing women a favor by lying, deceiving, or betraying them. They have and continue to have “our back from day one.”
The first love men ever experience is the love of a mother. This love is the foundation, upon which men will view and receive love. The mother-son, grandmother-son, godmother-son relationships create expectations of what many men perceive love looks like and what it feels like. Women are nurturers; this message begins as soon as they are given that first doll. The touch, the smile, the indescribable ability to comfort and support can‘t be duplicated, although many men will try. Women express love through emotions that is then shown by their actions. Women love men fearlessly, without apprehension, nor inhibitions in revealing who they are and just how much they love us. Be clear, there are no set rules or guidelines as to how women navigate their hearts: love is not just their action it is a part of them. Unfortunately this same love cannot always be reciprocated by men because to understand women, men must first understand themselves. Knowing who you are is pivotal to understanding where you have been, what you are about, and where you are going. It is by no coincidence that men often engage in relationships with women, not knowing how to connect to the intricacies of woman’s nature, spirit, heart, or emotions because this is learned through careful observation, cannot be taught, is learned by doing. The problem, contrary to popular belief, are that men can be sensitive, emotional, and many carry, yet go to great lengths to hide their insecurities in which all are traits uncommonly seen or discussed. Society teaches that men must show exterior strength at all times; masking their innate ability to be vulnerable and transparent because to do so suggests that men are weak. And yes, men do carry emotional baggage from failed relationships; past hurts, and broken hearts are haphazardly thrown or neatly folded in a suitcase, traveling everywhere these men go. There may be many bags for one man or just one for another. In each instance, all are impeded by their inability to let go; weakening the current relationship. By continuing to look upon past relationships as failures rather than relationships that were not meant to be, haunt men, burdening them forever and it will be difficult for them to love freely
No man is an island. Yet he stands alone thinking that he has it all under control. He navigates through his life constantly searching for who he is and what he wants to be. Men must learn to get out of their own way and realize that in order to truly love someone; they must relinquish all that they are for something that is much greater than themselves. Yet, in order for men to see this clearly it requires a conscious and asserted effort; first acknowledging that it is okay to give freely, but most importantly one must allow himself to heal and the only way to do that is to leave all ego, all of it, on the table. Do not go back and get it. Forget what friend’s think, what society thinks, what they were raised to believe men should and should not do.
I challenge men to be BORN again; let us start healing from within and emerge from our cocoons spun around us by past pain, doubt, failed relationships. It is time to take accountability fellas, time to hold us accountable and “Man Up”. We are not doing women a favor by lying, deceiving, or betraying them. They have and continue to have “our back from day one.”
No man is an island. Yet he stands alone thinking that he has it all under control. He navigates through his life constantly searching for who he is and what he wants to be. Men must learn to get out of their own way and realize that in order to truly love someone; they must relinquish all that they are for something that is much greater than themselves. Yet, in order for men to see this clearly it requires a conscious and asserted effort; first acknowledging that it is okay to give freely, but most importantly one must allow himself to heal and the only way to do that is to leave all ego, all of it, on the table. Do not go back and get it. Forget what friend’s think, what society thinks, what they were raised to believe men should and should not do.
I challenge men to be BORN again; let us start healing from within and emerge from our cocoons spun around us by past pain, doubt, failed relationships. It is time to take accountability fellas, time to hold us accountable and “Man Up”. We are not doing women a favor by lying, deceiving, or betraying them. They have and continue to have “our back from day one.”
The first love men ever experience is the love of a mother. This love is the foundation, upon which men will view and receive love. The mother-son, grandmother-son, godmother-son relationships create expectations of what many men perceive love looks like and what it feels like. Women are nurturers; this message begins as soon as they are given that first doll. The touch, the smile, the indescribable ability to comfort and support can‘t be duplicated, although many men will try. Women express love through emotions that is then shown by their actions. Women love men fearlessly, without apprehension, nor inhibitions in revealing who they are and just how much they love us. Be clear, there are no set rules or guidelines as to how women navigate their hearts: love is not just their action it is a part of them. Unfortunately this same love cannot always be reciprocated by men because to understand women, men must first understand themselves. Knowing who you are is pivotal to understanding where you have been, what you are about, and where you are going. It is by no coincidence that men often engage in relationships with women, not knowing how to connect to the intricacies of woman’s nature, spirit, heart, or emotions because this is learned through careful observation, cannot be taught, is learned by doing. The problem, contrary to popular belief, are that men can be sensitive, emotional, and many carry, yet go to great lengths to hide their insecurities in which all are traits uncommonly seen or discussed. Society teaches that men must show exterior strength at all times; masking their innate ability to be vulnerable and transparent because to do so suggests that men are weak. And yes, men do carry emotional baggage from failed relationships; past hurts, and broken hearts are haphazardly thrown or neatly folded in a suitcase, traveling everywhere these men go. There may be many bags for one man or just one for another. In each instance, all are impeded by their inability to let go; weakening the current relationship. By continuing to look upon past relationships as failures rather than relationships that were not meant to be, haunt men, burdening them forever and it will be difficult for them to love freely
No man is an island. Yet he stands alone thinking that he has it all under control. He navigates through his life constantly searching for who he is and what he wants to be. Men must learn to get out of their own way and realize that in order to truly love someone; they must relinquish all that they are for something that is much greater than themselves. Yet, in order for men to see this clearly it requires a conscious and asserted effort; first acknowledging that it is okay to give freely, but most importantly one must allow himself to heal and the only way to do that is to leave all ego, all of it, on the table. Do not go back and get it. Forget what friend’s think, what society thinks, what they were raised to believe men should and should not do.
I challenge men to be BORN again; let us start healing from within and emerge from our cocoons spun around us by past pain, doubt, failed relationships. It is time to take accountability fellas, time to hold us accountable and “Man Up”. We are not doing women a favor by lying, deceiving, or betraying them. They have and continue to have “our back from day one.”
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Dream Big and live out those dreams!
Our Dreams can be a Vision of hope but what is a Vision if we don't Share our Dream....
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Kenny Ollins
"My vision is far beyond what I imagined! We may want something that is good but God gives us something that is greater.......LIFE!!!!!!!!!"
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Keep Being The Strong Woman You Are!
To ALL the LADIES......You are like a Butterfly sitting on top of a cloud in the sky. You are like a Flower developing everyday. You are like a Heart pumping blood, ALWAYS trying to help others. Describing a person like you is....PRICELESS! You are a God spirited, Beautiful, Intelligent, Caring, Considerate, Thoughtful, Amazing, Devoted, Loving, Patient, STRONG Woman, who many admire because YOU always try to inspire. KEEP BEING YOU. Believe That!!!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Know your Worth!!!
Food for thought provided to you by B.O.R.N. Five minutes of PLEASURE can cost you your life! Be smart play it safe.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Love yourself first!
Many of us may have been slighted as a child. Many of us may have missed the Love boat as a child but does that mean we can't learn how to Love as an Adult. We must be an example for our Children. Wake up people. We are the teachers, coaches, mentors but most importantly we have to Love Ourselves. Do you Love yourself? Well I do. Sometimes we have to say to self...."I Love Me."
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
They call it Tender Love!
As a child many of us were disciplined differently.(i.e. no TV, no outside, woopings, etc). Being wooped with an extension cord is that considered physical abuse? Well as a child I thought it was the norm. As I got older, I realized it was abuse. I remember I was afraid to change clothes during gym or wear shorts/tank tops in the summer due to the skin on my body being torn. There are many forms of abuse, physical, mental, sexual, etc. Do you remember of any abuse? if so, what age were you when you experienced it?
A smile says a lot but is it always what it looks. The kid(ME)looks happy in this pic but is he really. I say don't let a smile fool you.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30308315&l=19269c6062&id=1284227912
A smile says a lot but is it always what it looks. The kid(ME)looks happy in this pic but is he really. I say don't let a smile fool you.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30308315&l=19269c6062&id=1284227912
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Peace Beyond to You!
Don’t be afraid to spend time alone. Don’t just settle and spend time with someone just because you are lonely, because you will find yourself disappointed and full of regret. Stop worrying about what others think of you. The best time is self time. Get to know yourself again, because when you go through you will come to……..A Place of Peace!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Take Ownership!
Have you ever been Married or Engaged? What does it feel like to be left on the side of the road with all your old baggage. Have you considered you may have contributed past problems from previous failed relationships? Well I have never been married but did experience the engagement which FAILED because I made the decision not to look within MYSELF, however, was quick to blaming the other person. It’s so easy to blame someone else to take the attention off yourself.
If you are reading this and haven’t experienced either, I enourage you take this as a lesson and look within yourself before you put blame on someone else. Your relationship could be a success!
Do you Believe God is first?
For those who believe in God understand that he is everything and without him nothing is possible. When God is missing from any relationship that you have whether it's romantic, friendship, sibling, etc. If God is absent from that relationship, is the relationship affected? If so, how?
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Free yourself!
Don't Block your Blessings because of Pain somebody else inflicted on you. Heal yourself first before you infect someone else with the Devil disease (PAIN). Love does not hurt, so don't try to share what you think is Love, however, it is PAIN, a continued disease we all must escape from in order to be our best self to anyone else.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Change has come!
Don't look at me as what I was yesterday, look at me as the person I am today. Change is in all of us. Have you changed?
Why play with somebody elses toys when you can have your own?
Why involve yourself in a romantic relationship with someone else that is MARRIED when you can have your own. Is this a form of insecurity on your part or is it something you saw growing up? What is it? I am a culprit of being involved with a married woman and Thank God I am still alive because it was never revealed! Of course there is more to my story, so if you would like to hear more, sign in as a member. Stay Tuned!!!
Have you or do you know of anyone that has been involved romantically with a married person? How did it end?
Have you or do you know of anyone that has been involved romantically with a married person? How did it end?
Dig Deep and Release Your Past so you can move Forward!!!
Did you know that we all have a past(pain) that effects our life daily? Can you think back to where yours first started? Well I can.(age 10). The only way to move forward is to dig yourself out of your past and go back to where it all started. We have heard many times in life to let the past go, however, it's best at this time because you are on a journey to HEAL so lets revisit and bury that hatchet. Please....lets have conversation, LETS TALK REAL TALK. Stay tuned for more of my story!!!
Saturday, May 14, 2011
LET'S TALK REAL TALK!
LADIES and GENTS……It’s time for MEN to reveal and release that HIDDEN PAIN. Are you ready for REAL MEN to open up? Relationship talk is around the corner. Please join your Talk Show host K.O. and a panel of Men. Location and time coming soon. I need one thing from you…..CONFIRMATION. Please inbox me if interested!!! (It’s Time to Heal from Broken Relationships).
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Giving is good but don't be a fool!
How can a Relationship work if one party is all in ( i.e. contributing financially, emotionally, etc). Do you think the one that gives their ALL often feel as if they are being used?
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Building a Positive Foundation!
It is so important to set a positive foundation because if you don't, your relationship will be all over the place.How you start your relationship is how it's going to flow. I can honestly say, I came in wanting a commitment but didn't have a clue at the time I was going about it the wrong way. Holding on to old baggage or harsh feelings for someone of your past can haunt your future. It's best to be honest in the beginning of your new relationship, however, I don't necessarily believe you should speak on certain things of your past. Revisiting things from your past could be damaging to your current relationship.
Solution: After a break-up, to prevent a disastrous start of a new relationship. I suggest you spend time with yourself and heal. Love yourself again before you attempt to love anyone else.
Solution: After a break-up, to prevent a disastrous start of a new relationship. I suggest you spend time with yourself and heal. Love yourself again before you attempt to love anyone else.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Don't Blame and Complain if u don't CHANGE!
REAL TALK: Some women are good for putting up with Men garbage (bull crap) yet they complain about how they want him to change. Let the hope factor go. People are who they are so when he doesn't change don't BLAME him, blame yourself for putting up with it. Change comes by divine intervention & proactive behaviors.
What is Pain?
I remember hearing the saying, Pain is a temporary inconvenience! If that's so, why does it linger for so long. Many of us has had Pain in us since childhood. I can count back to age 10 when my Pain started, can you? B.O.R.N. is as we know, means the BIRTH of. (The Beginning). I encourage each and every one of you to go to the beginning to where your Pain started and just maybe YOU will begin to heal. Remember if your're attempting to build on your relationships you must HEAL first.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Out with the old and in with the New!
Food for thought by B.O.R.N.......Look in the mirror, take ownership for what you do, stop blaming others and just maybe you will see it's not just the other person's fault but something you have been dealing with for quite sometime. Be mindful when taking old baggage to a new location, you can cut down on a long wasted trip! Don't waste your time or anyone else's!
Why force something that's not working.
Don't beat a dead horse. If he's not into you, suck it up and move on. Otherwise you'll subconsciously lower your standards to "get him" making it worse on the collective.
What Men Want!
Food for Thought provided by B.O.R.N. Remember Ladies EVERY man wants a good woman despite him having problems pulling back his layers. Are you that good woman & why?
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