B.O.R.N. is here FOREVER!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgpRrdmVuJE

Remove the Shackles!!!

Message from B.O.R.N. If you are involved in a relationship and you constantly have to defend yourself, prove everything thing you do or say then you are a prisoner of insecurity. It's not your insecurity but the person that continues to question everything you do. I hope you understand no matter how many times you tell or say what you know the truth is that person doesn't hear you're truth, they only hear what their mind is saying to them. Unless they deal with their own inner self(trust issues) they will continue to experience an unhealthy lifestyle.

You can do it, so stay the course!

This is my Master Cleanse (fasting)week. It has been a challenge in all ways. Everything from the kitchen sink has been thrown at me, however, I will not let anything defeat me. Defeat is no option. Know that whenever there is something that you are trying to do positive, obstacles will appear out of nowhere. We must stay the course and finish the race.

Age 23 -32 lost at an early age, prime of my life.

Who am I? I was dating an older single woman for a few months. She was extremely generous, single mother of one son, entrepreneur, cooked for me all the time as well as bought me anything I wanted whenever I wanted. That’s how I liked it, a woman taking care of me. I happen to go out one Saturday night. I met another woman, older of course. Only days had gone by. The new woman called and asked to see me. While sitting in my room she asked me if I was seeing anybody, I said yes. At that time she told me I had to stop seeing her. The new friend was a mother of a son, but was married to a pro basketball player. WOW……I couldn’t believe what I had done, in a matter of days after meeting this woman I called my friend I had been dating for months and told her that our relationship was over, “don’t call me again”. She was devastated, but due to the fact that she was a woman that wasn’t possessive she didn’t give me a hard time. Well, here it is 9 years later and I’m still involved, in love with one another. I lived a life of a ghost, nobody knew about this relationship, but my family and 2 best friends at the time. I was a complete liar during that time, even with other friends. I had everybody thinking I was living a normal life, but it was tumultuous. All I wanted was for God to help me because the stress alone was killing me. Although, she would eventually leave him, I lost 9 yrs of my life that I couldn’t get back. I would visit her home which could have been ugly if her husband had surprised her. She would tell her husband she was going to church as an excuse to come see me for a few hours. I got a pager so she could have a way to send me messages when she wasn’t able to see me. She would text me with a particular code to tell me she loved me. I was content. There were times I would be in the house for days, weeks, weekend after weekend, waiting for her to see me because at one point I didn’t have a pager. This usually took place during the summer months when the season was over. We would go out of town together. There were times we were suppose to spend New Year’s Eve together, but she stood me up because she couldn’t get away. During these 9 years I was manipulating everybody, allowing people to think that I had a lot of women, when in reality I was playing myself because I was involved with a married woman. I thought I had the game mastered, but I didn’t. At one point in my life before her, I was in total control of my life and the ladies; well that’s what I thought. I was the second option in this relationship. To add insult to injury, due to having influence and having a vast network, I was able to get this woman a job. She had never worked during her marriage because she didn’t have to. She decided to get a job because she was trying to show me that I was the one she wanted to be with and she no longer wanted to use her husband’s money. She proved her love for me by leaving him and moving in with me. By this time, she was working her third job. She lived with me for about a week, but it didn’t work. I guess I didn’t like my space being occupied with anyone else. After all that, I was about to have this woman all to myself, but we didn’t get a long during that week so she looked for a place, moved out and that was the end of us..

My advice: No need to play with someone else's toys when you can have your own. I had a single woman but chose someone else wife because of beauty and money and it cost me valuable years of my life. I did fall in love and so did she but at the end of the day, it wasn't meant to be because she was always someone else's. Love is deadly, especially if you aren't use to receiving it. We are all worth something, so let's not deprive ourselves and settle for what we think looks good or what someone may have. Know that when you play second fiddle, you don't and never will come out on top. Be confident, feel good about who you are and know you can have anything you want in this world that you put your mind to.

Is the presence of a father always a good thing? Have you ever wanted to meet your father?

Have you ever wanted to meet your father? Well I remember as a kid I used to say to my sister, “I’m going to find our father before I leave this earth.” And sure as my lips spoke those words into the universe that day surely did come. It was my last year in college; I was working at an internship at the Cook County Adult probation department which wasn’t mandatory for my major in criminal justice, however, I wanted the experience in my field. While working there I had access to prisoner’s records, so I decided to check the county jail record books. I searched the database for my father; Mr.Willie Graham who had been in jail all my life. Out of all the several thousands of inmates that were listed, I only found one Willie Graham. The date of birth and address was the same last known address for my dad. “Wow…..I can’t believe it”, I found my dad. No sooner than I called the jail to set up a visit to see this man who was my father.

Visiting day had finally arrived; my stomach had been in knots the day before and I tossed and turned all night. So the next day I get up and out the door and headed down to the jail. I arrived not knowing what to expect, what to say, and not even sure how I should feel. As I walked into the room where my father would await my arrival, there was a thick glass window separating myself and the prisoners. There were 5 men behind the glass, but I immediately saw this man for the first time and was able to point him out as my father. He walked over to the side where I was standing and said, “What up Mike” I replied, “Try again.” He immediately started crying and said, “son.” Well Mike is my uncle and because we look so much alike he assumed I was him. So we talked, I told him what I was doing and that I was about to graduate from college. He asked me if he got out of jail in enough time if he could come to my college graduation. I just looked at him and said, “umm hmm.” Well, he didn’t get out.

About a year or so later, I was living on the Northside of Chicago. When I returned home from work, the manager of my building said, “Some man named Willie came by looking for you saying he was your dad and he left a number for you to call him.” I called him and got his mother instead who was so excited to hear from me. I was amazed that she instantly knew it was me without ever hearing my voice. She said, “Willie went out for a few, but he was waiting for you to call.”

I’m at home cooking dinner, just about to chow down on some fried chicken wings and boxed macaroni and cheese when the phone rings, it’s him my father. He says, “I know you probably don’t feel comfortable with me coming up so why don’t you come down stairs.” I went downstairs to see him. OMG, I hugged my father for the first time ever. My heart dropped to the floor; meeting my father for the first time in physical form seemed so surreal. But unfortunately after only talking for less than 10 minutes, we were about to come to blows. I can’t even remember what brought that on, but I remember him saying “ You are definitely my son, that temper.” He start telling me about his lifestyle, how manipulative he used to be, how he was dangerous, how he shot people, sold drugs, used drugs and pimped. He also made sure to mention that he left my mother because he was no good for us and had he been around me I wouldn’t have been the person I have grown to be because he had such great influence and surely I would have followed in his footsteps. I thought to myself for a moment, he is probably right and for the first time I realized that sometimes God takes us through things that we cannot explain, and when we search for the answers to the unanswerable questions God reminds us that he is always in control so just be still and patient and your blessing will be revealed in his time. The absence of my father in my life, while it caused me much confusion, left me feeling abandoned at the time. In hindsight I may not be where I am today had my father been around, so I guess I can say his absence was a mixed blessing.

The ironic thing about this story is I lived at 4423 N. Sheridan and my dad always lived on the next block on Sunnyside. I had absolutely no idea that I moved to the same area as my father and all that time he lived so close yet we were so far apart.

Later I introduced my father to my sisters. My father established a relationship with my sisters and me, but I was a bit distant. I would often see my father in the neighbor where I lived and from what I gathered he had seemingly gone back into his old habits. Due to his awkward behaviors it appeared that he was doing drugs again because of his actions. Some time had passed and my father had become ill and had to be hospitalized. I remember my sister kept telling me to go see him, he is not doing well. I didn’t want to see him at the stage he was at……he died.

First day of College (18yrs old).

I’m on my way to college. I didn’t have the luxury of having someone take me, nor help me get there. I took the Amtrak Train, having to carry one large suitcase and plastic bags. I’m a freshman, checked into my dorm (Neeley hall). There were women everywhere, instantly my manipulative ways started up again. It was so easy. I was able to whisper sweet nothings into the ears of young ladies. I began to put together a little black book, how many could I sleep with and add to the notches on my belt. Here we go again, I met this senior. I would tell my male friends about my accomplishments. Sure enough, it got back to the woman that I was telling. Upon hearing the news that I told someone, instantly I became enraged. I went to the one of the guy’s house once I found out and beat him up. It wasn’t until my junior year; I had my radar on for this particular young lady. I made her my girlfriend. In the process, I didn’t trust her because I didn’t trust myself, I became insecure. I got angry one day and pushed her in the bushes. Why did I do that? Well, I was arrogant and thought I had the world in my hands.
I could have destroyed my future/career before it started. My advice: Don't let your ego, desire for people to accept or like you or anger interfere with your goal you’re trying to attain. Don't let other's own your mind and don't try to own other's. We are not prize possessions so let's stop acting like it. We are responsible for ourselves..

Age 10, motherly love

How would it have affected you if your mother was dating not just a married man, but a married man that had many kids throughout your community? Well, I had to deal with it, along with my three sisters. He was supposedly my stepfather, had the same rights of whooping me that a father would have had, although he would come and go as he pleased. My mother put him first. He would come over for a few days, stay overnight and then go back to his wife or whomever. My mother accepted it, she was content. Her routine was looking out the 8th floor window, waiting for him to show up. She would see his car pull up, run to the bathroom and get dolled up, take her rollers out, let her hair down and put on sexy clothes. At that point was the only time she would allow us to go outside so that she could spend some alone time with him. She was extra nice when he came over. She would allow him to whoop me and my youngest sister with an extension cord. We all sustained busted heads/gashes running from the beating. I vividly remember I ran and crashed right into the wall busting the back of my head, but wasn’t taken to the hospital. I continued to get beat although I was bleeding. I just kept hearing her say, you will be fine. I couldn’t understand why my mom would allow this man to put his hands on us. We were teased by our peers. Our mother being called a whore because everybody knew he was married and they considered him a pimp. He wore suits, hats, cowboy boots, and fur coats all the time. I don’t recall him having a job. Due to the treatment I was embarrassed for myself and my sisters. I as angry; I rebelled. I started lying. I became a compulsive liar. While being into sports, I use to use sports as my way of getting away. This so called stepfather would send me to the store like I was his slave. I could be outside playing, it didn’t matter I would still have to go. My mother would make me go. I remember she would make his food, bring it to him while he laid in the bed, but she never did that for us. Granted there were only 2 bedrooms, she allowed him to let his two Alaskan Huskies dogs to live in our apartment when he lived somewhere else. The dogs had a room and when we would all sleep in the other room me, 3 sisters, my mother and him when he decided to stay over. Can you imagine six people all sleeping in a 8 by 8 room while his two dogs sleep in a room all to themselves?

There were 3 beds, my sisters slept together in one bed, I slept in another while my mom and stepfather slept in another, “yes this is one room”. Not to mention, he use to have a gun and bags of marijuana hidden under the mattress of the bed I slept in. I eventually start having nightmares, so that lead me to wetting the bed. When my mother found out, instead of finding out why, she would beat me with an extension cord. It had gotten so bad that she start making me sleep on the floor. I just continued to wet the carpet instead of the bed, she would beat me, he would beat me….I had to then sleep in the bathroom, but although I was right there it didn’t stop me from urinating. I had horrible nightmares and was afraid to get up. I start rebelling. I wanted to get him back. I started stealing his money. He would come over, take his clothes off and lay them across the bed so they wouldn’t get wrinkled. The bed he used to lay his clothes on was my sister’s bed. If they wanted to take a nap or go to bed, they would have to ask him to move them. I guess he noticed his money was missing which I had been stealing for months before I got caught. He set me up. I would never forget, my mother went grocery shopping, while putting the food away I was told to take the tissue to the bathroom. While doing so, it was my opportunity to get some money. As I was going into his pants pocket while I thought he was in the kitchen, he snuck up on me with my hands in the pants pocket. I was not only beaten that day with an extension cord by my mother, I was also beaten by him. As a punishment, I had to stay in the house the entire summer. No sports related activities whatsoever. This man dated my mother for 20 years; my mother became pregnant with her fifth child at the age of 35. He was never to be seen again when she told him she was pregnant. This same man even tried to fondle my 3 sisters and when they told my mother about his behavior, my mother didn’t believe them and took his side. It’s been nearly 27 yrs and this man is nowhere to be found. My youngest sister and his daughter have never seen her father. The moral of this story is: I say to all you single parents out there, don’t be desperate for a man. No man is worth denying your child or putting before your children. No man is worth losing your kids. Where is he now? and you and your daughters still don’t have a relationship.

Worrying about what other's think of you can ruin you.

I’m in H.S. living off my oldest sister’s status. I’m hanging out with older people, juniors and seniors. I was dating a junior while I was a freshman. I wasn’t a jock. I tried to fit in. I wasn’t accepted because I didn’t play sports. I had to make it up by dating older women, dating women was a sport to me, it gave me an identity. I had to prove myself amongst my peers.
My advice: Living up to other's expectations can and will disappoint you, it disappointed me and many others. Don't let other's whether it be family or friends dictate who you are. Establish yourself based on your on morals, values and beliefs. Today I have great expectations of myself and find that everything I do based on my own thoughts and feelings are far more beneficial.

My pain started at age 10.

I remember my mother used to tell me, don’t cross the street. I tried to cross the street, got hit by a car attempting to run. Out of fear, I knew I would be whooped by my mother; I panicked, got up and ran out of shock. My mother found me on the second floor hiding in the hallway. She was yelling and screaming at me, wanting to whoop me, but the ambulance arrived looking for me. She wasn’t concerned whether I had a broken leg or not. I remember returning home after leaving the hospital to be whooped by my mother. I questioned did my mother love me or not. My answer today is.....YES....It was her way of loving me.

You have the power!!!

Message from B.O.R.N...We may not like everything about a person, but we should love everything about them and every aspect of them because we are creations of God. We serve him, not ourselves. He(God) loves us so we need to love each other. He(God) gives us chances therefore we need to do the same. He(God) hasn't given up so we shouldn't. We have work to do, it can and will be done. I choose nothing but peace. I am no longer an enemy in my mind therefore nothing can rule. I look forward and not behind so all that had stunt my growth will no longer. I have knowledge, power and abilities to do all things GREAT through God that protects me.

Our First Love!

A woman is the driving force behind EVERY man's accomplishments. She is our mother. She gave birth to us. She was our first, let's not forget....... PRICELESS!!!

It's a woman's world!

Without you I(we) could not be B.O.R.N. Without you I(we) would not know how to be the man I am. Your lessons have taught me(us) how to stand strong. I(we) honor you. You are my(our)Queen, you are every man's dream. You are a precious star, so much of a lovely woman that you are. When we(men) look into your eyes, we see a woman of honesty, dignity or might I say respectability. Please know we(men) will claim that identity, an identity to be the man we know we shall and will be.